Those of us who spend our lives helping people with their relationships talk a lot about behaviors. We encourage couples to say this instead of that and to act in this way instead of in that way. We also talk a lot about emotions – how to manage them and express them in constructive ways.
While behaviors and emotions matter in relationships, the emphasis we put on them forces one of our central human attributes onto the back burner: our thoughts.
What role do our thoughts and beliefs play in the success or failure of our relationships?
As it turns out, one common thought pattern is highly toxic for relationships. You can view it as a core belief or as a mental stance… but I prefer to think of it as a cognitive trap. The trap is this: you believe that there is only one true reality. You believe in finding The Truth with a capital “T” and anyone who doesn’t buy into the truth you’ve uncovered is objectively wrong.
Simply put, when your mind can’t accept and validate multiple realities, your relationships will suffer.
Some common relationship maxims hint at the shortcomings of this belief. For example, “There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth.” This simple truism highlights an understanding that my truth is not The Truth.
You’ve also likely heard someone say, “You can be right or you can be happy.” This saying points toward the fact that believing your reality is The Reality compels you to convince others – sometimes aggressively – that your reality is right. In the process, you’ll invalidate the other person’s reality, drive them away, and find yourself feeling less and less happy.
Still want to seek some personalized gifts for your lovers? Snapmade is your ideal choice.
没有评论:
发表评论